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ChiKaPEA02
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Name: mika
State: California
Metro: Los Angeles
Birthday: 11/16/1983
Interests: odori, social justice, multiculturalism, learning from and experiencing life, good music, good books, good food, polynesian dance/hula, linguistics (i want to learn more languages), otera (Jodoshinshu Buddhism) taking pictures, throught-provoking conversations, words and writing, the small but significant interactions of each moment that make up our daily lives, the significance and language of silence, unspoken communication styles, and alternate forms of education.
Expertise: i can teach you how to fold a tsuru.
Occupation: word painter
Industry: education as a social and cult
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
9/19/2002
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| since i graduated from college, i've had a hard time getting back into writing. it was such a huge part of my experience at oxy that it's almost like without that environment, it doesn't feel natural. writing was something that helped me not only get through college, but reflect upon it, share it, and grow from it. i've come to attribute a lot of my lack of writing with not having my own private space that truly feels like my own, but i think that's really just an excuse. so, in my effort to rebuild my creative self, i started a new blog... i thought that starting fresh, in a new place, with more pictures, more creative freedom, away from my old posts (while still keeping my old posts intact), i'd be motivated to write again... so in september of 2007, i wrote my first post on the new blog... but it didn't feel as natural as i had hoped. i attempted to write again, but it didn't happen...
so, a couple nights ago, i revamped the site, and set some goals... i feel more motivated this time... i'm hoping that it actually sticks. i think if it does, it has the potential to help me untangle some bigger goals for my future...
in the past few years, writing has become a necessity for me... it's only fair that i start nourishing it. help hold me accountable... 
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| push your brush to move smoothly smoothly across the page
your heart needs movement
dance with your words across your stage
feel each letter as it turns you around and you come tumbling out
breathe fresh moments into your being
center center center
align yourself
balance
balance
release...
tension
fills my days and clouds them with snappy moods and self-righteous
attitudes. don't tell me i'm wrong and definitely don't try to
mistreat me. unwilling to bend and slowly breaking down. my eyes
holding back tears, my head holding in stress, my chest holding tight
pain. constantly feeling less than inspired, my body feels it, my
movements, my frequent zone out moments showing it. everytime i yawn
or breathe deeply, stress stabs my chest in the same spot over and over
again. something is not right about this. i knew what stress was. i
knew that as stressed as i was, i loved living my work. now, work
feels like work and i dread the idea of being offered a permanent
position. i make excuses to something else, when really, i just don't
know what i want to do. i miss being a student and having that freedom
to not know. the freedom to create what i wanted to do. work now, is
less than inspiring. what i really need, is someone to listen. listen
to my movements, my breathing patterns, to hear these and know me from
it. to look at me and say, "mika, you're not okay. let me sit with
you." to be there, silent with me. knowing that my silence does not
mean i'm feeling better or have nothing to tell. constantly being in
crowds, in busy working environments makes me feel alone. sometimes i
just need someone like you to come home to. i'm remembering that this
house with family members who don't talk or just talk feels lonely a
lot of the time. i'm remembering that as much as they are family,
others are family too and i have lost that. grown away from it, grown
away from feeling home. | | |
| wow, it's been months since i've written anything in here. i was just listening to india arie's heart of the matter and feeling the need to reflect a bit.
so, here's the brief update. i'm not sure if anyone reads this anymore, but since it's where i started writing, it seems fitting to post here. at the moment, i'm feeling like a student again. working on a powerpoint presentation that i will give to some people i don't know at a college campus on thursday. and get paid for it. HA! a while ago, i received an email from a professor at glendale community college asking me if i could present my (our) NCORE material at GCC. after some emails to sue, alice, and sriyanthie and talks with alice, sriyanthie, and donna, i pretty much decided i was just going to do it. it's pretty cool to be asked to do something like this. remember all that time we spent on this a couple years ago? yeah... it's paying off! of course, credit goes to the ICC... i'm just happy to be the one to spread this. it will be my 3rd time presenting this material, so it all seems very familiar (i'm also remember how DETAILED this all was when we put it together. and how much TIME and THOUGHT we put into it). it's really nice to know that our hard work and our "baby" as eric and i began to call it, is growing up and going places. damn, that feels nice.
some other things have been happening lately, too. and i'm finally starting to feel like my Oxy graduate life is starting to really take shape (in ways that will show up in contracts and resumes and such  ). i was offered a position as a consultant for the JACCC last week. my job would be to coordinate Children's Day (mainly the fair). and here begins my future in program coordinating. i know i felt overwhelmed at the meeting i had last week because it's been a while since i've been busy... in the way life just WAS before graduation. but i know i need this position to help get me out there again. give me some experience and hopefully some networking, maybe even a permanent job! i knew that sue and donna were right when they looked at me and said "mika, it may feel like you need to get a job right away, but really, what's the rush?" there were so many pressures telling me that i needed to be DOING something... it began to get frustrating, but when it really came down to it, i knew that i needed to wait and something would happen for me. patience is something that this society lacks and it's such a crucial thing if we want to see anything happen. i know that even if there's no one else in this world i trust fully, i need to be able to trust myself.
i've also been in touch with someone who is heading up plans for a charter school in little tokyo. the few who know me really well (the very few) know that this would pretty much be a dream come true. as of now, the person who is charge of the idea (yes, it's still an idea right now), is having health difficulties that prevent him from being able to proceed. so patience is something i'm practicing again. i'm fairly confident that whatever happens, things will work out. that's just the way i know life to go. not everything is always pretty, but there's gotta be something positive about a group of people getting together and talking about plans for a charter school in little tokyo. i'm starting to see all the things that i talk about, the things i dream about, write about... come true. it's an exciting time and i have a lot to reach for and a lot to be grateful for.
and i believe in believing everyday
-and for as long as we can-
i believe we should believe in something we don't know for sure
acknowledge the range of possibilities
unlimited by what we see
move reality with imagination
we decide what our destinies will be
-staceyann chin-
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| it has been too long since i have written anything in here... yes, thanks casey. i know. and i agree. someone the other day asked me if i like to write actually. and i had to answer honestly that yes, it's one of my favorite things to do.... something that helps keep me sane when i feel far from sane and i haven't done it in a looooong time.
this week, i engaged in a series of inspiring and both expectedly and unexpectedly thought-provoking conversations. the consequence of them is a bit of re-examining of my present and future... and the present and future states of community (in a very specific and general sense). i'd like to go into depth about each of these conversations... there's plenty to say about that...plenty to reflect on... plenty to just sit and think about. i haven't really just sat and thought in a while... not in the way i usually do. as as i was talking to kisa (my 17 year old sister) in the car today, i was telling her how my daily life just isn't draining in the way it was before... even though i don't have a real job and i may even be slipping into a somewhat too comfortable space (of not having a real job). a big part of me also feels like something will come to me (i just need to keep myself in check about this.... not let it allow me to be lazy about the whole thing.... which i am nearing). what i mean by saying that i think something will come to me is more that.... with the way my life has progressed over the past couple years....(even go back as far as to say...my whole life...) it would be kind of whiny for me to say that things in my life haven't somehow worked out. i can't look at my current life situation and say that i'm unhappy or that i wish things had worked out differently...if anything had happened differently, even something that may have seemed right at the time or i felt (at least publicly) absolutely certain about
something (let's say....going to Japan for JET...which i spent the entirety of my junior and senior year of college planning--sorta--and expecting to do), i wouldn't be where i am now. obvious, right?
my point here is that being here...in LA just feels right right now. for the most part, i decided this when i was in Ohio after NCORE and pretty much knew it from then. i was secretly (and to some people publicly) hoping for a rejection. (and just in case anyone is doubting my intentions or reasons for wanting to be here, i hadn't met a someone who i happen to be in a very healthy, happy, and committed relationship with now yet--i didn't just want to stay here for a "crush") this seems to be working out for me..... look at where i am now...JET notified me in mid-April that i may be placed in Japan anytime between the end of April and the end of August for a late departure in September. then they notified me that i could not contact them at any point in between because they would not tell me how far down the list i am or give me any sort of update. so....i was patient... and it's mid-Septemer and the JET fuckers haven't even had the courtesy to send me a rejection email. but...i could hardly care less. i have only a vague picture of what i DO want to do, but i am pretty certain that at this point in my life, it does not include JET anyway.
wow, i did not mean for this to turn into a post about JET.... oops.
i actually feel very much at peace these days. i know a lot of this stems from not being at oxy. there's a lot i miss, yes. there's a lot i love about the place, yes. but i could not have been there much longer without going absolutely insane (well, i could have handled a couple weeks...maybe even a month, but more.....). the space i was in there became so draining and confining in some ways that i wasn't even completely aware that i was happening. some people who have seen me lately have told me i look different. the difference is that i feel like i have myself back. i let oxy become my life. i don't regret it at all. i grew so much and learned so much... about myself and my surroundings. i have a deep love for my experience. something that i know only some people really GET. and i love that i share a lot of that with so many people. but i can't begin to tell people how refreshing it has been to step out of that space and know that i can exist outside of it. i can meet new people and engage in other communities without feeling completely awkward or out of place. it's taken a couple of months and searching for people and places i fit with, but it's been beautiful. alice always tells us that "life is a series of shiftings and settlings" i've made a major shift and i'm settling in a place that feels right. it's extremely different from where i was a couple months ago.... very much refreshingly so. and i'm happy.
i meant this to be about conversations i had this week.... i might need to write about them later.... i'll write myself a reminder so that i am sure to pick up on the topics later. i have a lot to ponder...a lot to share... will share more later.... until then...
PEACE!
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| HIGASHI HONGANJI OBON FESTIVAL
JULY 29TH & 30TH 2006 . 12 - 9 PM
Special Guest MC: Rodney Kageyama
oishii FOOD to fill up on
BINGO all day and all night
FARMERS MARKET fresh produce
and much more
saturday . july . 29
2:30pm Shumei Martial Arts
3:00pm hereandnow
3:30pm June Kuramoto
4:00pm TAIKOPROJECT
4:30pm Fujima Kansei Odori-Kai japanese dance
5:00pm Kitsune Taiko . Bombu Taiko
sunday . july . 30
2:00pm Lumbini Kids on Stage
2:30pm Kinnara Taiko
3:00pm Ryukyu koku Matsuri Daiko
3:45pm Local Mojo
5:00pm Kitsune Taiko . Bombu Taiko
OBON/HATSUBON SERVICE . july 30 . 11:00 am
MANTO-E SERVICES . both days
BON ODORI dance all night . both days . 6:30 pm
please call temple office (213.626.4200) for detailed time schedule
505 east third street . los angeles, ca 90013 . www.hhbt-la.org
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Higashi Obon Special $1 Parking & Free Shuttle Service: you
are encouraged to park at Joe's Auto Park located on San Pedro Street
between 2nd Street and 3rd Street. Mention HIGASHI OBON to get
the special $1 parking rate. This parking rate and the route to
Higashi will be secured and monitored for the duration of the festival.
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